Metadish, Fresh from NYC

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Before reading about this boycott, I wasn’t even aware that there was such a thing as an American Girl doll.  Apparently it’s an entire line of dolls and books that are pretty popular right now.  Shockingly, they’re very popular with many conservatives, go figure, being called "American" girl.  Conservatives probably think they’re doing God’s work by buying dolls with the word American in them.  They’re far outselling the not nearly as popular Iraqi Girl

dolls.

Now certain conservative groups have their panties in a twist because the company that makes American Girl makes contributions to a youth organization that has a friend who knows somebody whose cousin supports abortion rights and (gasp) "accepts lesbians".

What does that even mean?  "Accepts lesbians?"  Are there lesbians trying to deliver themselves to the homes of innocent conservatives in order to infiltrate middle America? 

"Yes, we have a delivery for John Baker"

"Is it a lesbian?"

"Yes sir, I believe it is."

"I’m sorry, I can’t accept that."

Here’s the kicker, check out the campaign that the conservative (read religious freaks) are against:

The protest is directed at an ongoing American Girl campaign in which
proceeds from sales of a special "I Can" wristband help support
educational and empowerment programs of Girls Inc., a national
nonprofit organization which describes its mission as "inspiring girls
to be strong, smart and bold."

And I swear, this is an actual statement from the leader of the conservative group calling for the boycott:

"Parents need to know that this effort to promote self-esteem among girls is not as innocent as it seems,"

Damn, these people and their vile, godless attempts to promote self-esteem among girls.  The next thing you know they’ll want the right to vote.  Get back in the kitchen woman!

It’s not like the American Girl company is selling home abortion kits and DIY guides to lesbianism with the fucking dolls.  The American Girl company, who is trying to be honorable and support a youth program released this statement:

"We are profoundly disappointed that certain groups have chosen to
misconstrue American Girl’s purely altruistic efforts and turn them
into a broader political statement on issues that we, as a corporation,
have no position," the statement said.

Needless to say, I hope it really does stop raining here tomorrow, because now I have to go out and buy a damn American Girl doll just to say fuck you to these idiotic hate mongers.

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