Metadish, Fresh from NYC

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Here’s a sampling of some of the new rules of etiquette:

• Do not jump turnstiles – even if your MetroCard does not work properly.  (We’re still waiting to hear back on the etiquette of jumping the turnstile if you’re being chased by an escaped, rabid gorilla)
• You must show your fare card to a transit worker if it’s requested. (Oddly enough, you also have to show them your dance card if it’s requested as well.)
• Do not straddle a bicycle, or wear in-line skates or roller skates. (And you’ll be in double-trouble if you straddle a bicycle while wearing in-line skates.  Of course we think this rule of etiquette should have been taken a step further by clarifying, don’t straddle anything while in the subway.)
• No standing on a skateboard or small scooter while on the trains or buses. (It is however OK to stand on a large scooter.)
• Do not move between subway cars - even if the train is stopped. (This rule may however be overridden if the above rule of straddling something is broken in plain sight.)
• Do not occupy more than one seat on subways or buses by putting up your feet or spreading your legs. (Are these really new rules of etiquette?)
• Don’t place bags on an empty seat. (Have you ever seen the floor of a subway train after it’s been snowing or raining outside?  There’s no way in hell I’m putting my Old Navy bag on that floor.)

Of course we think there are a few very important rules of etiquette that the MTA still haven’t addressed.

• No exposing yourself to fellow passengers without the express written consent of said passenger.
• No more than three high school or middle school students allowed on one car at a time, and at no time are they allowed to talk to each other.
• No, I do not want to buy a sandwich from you.  (We think that rule is pretty self-explanatory)
• If you are one of those people that holds the door open while your slow ass friend makes their way down the steps, you may be publicly throttled.

The next time the MTA wants to come out with a new set of rules for subway and bus etiquette, they really should consult with us first.

If you could write one new subway and bus rule of etiquette, what would it be?

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