Metadish, Fresh from NYC

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While you may think it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, being able to bee-bop around the city with your entire collection of Belle and Sebastian and every single one of your meticulously organized Sufjan Stevens albums, apparently it’s having a pretty negative effect on the youth of our fair city. Particularly the have-not youths.

Where does the blame lie? You could blame Apple for making such a damn fine product, alongside one of the best marketing campaigns ever to make everyone and their mother want an iPod.

You could blame our socio-economic makeup which has turned into a thinly disguised claste system which strives to keep the rich and powerful in charge while keeping the oppressed and poor of the country, uneducated and unaware, which over decades has resulted in a particularly angry youthful proletariat class who are lashing out by taking what they cannot afford.

But I choose to blame the dumbass parents, no matter what race or religion, no matter what color or creed, no matter how rich or how poor, the parents that are dumb enough to buy any kid under 18 an iPod. Spending $200, $300, $400 on a fucking jacked up discman is retarded.

“But my 16-year-old darling got a job and worked for his iPod, he deserves it.” Fuck him, he deserves nothing. Take that iPod money, put it into their college fund and when they go off to college if they have enough to eat and pay bills then they can do whatever they want, buy two iPod’s if they like.

Until everyone comes to their senses and starts thinking like me, I suggest that everytime an iPod is stolen from a minor, that we find the kids parents who bought him the iPod in the first place, find out if they themselves have an iPod, if so take it away from them, sell the iPod on ebay and start a college scholarship program with all the money we raise.

That’s my idea at least.

iPod thefts fueling juvenile crime [Daily News]

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