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Ever since the beautiful, young Katie Holmes and the batshit crazy Tom Cruise announced their engagement I think pretty much the entire world had the same thing on their minds. “What the fuck is she thinking?” Maybe that’s the point, maybe she isn’t.
Tom Cruise seen whispering above, “You think Thetans are the cause of all human suffering? You let people find out this marriage is a sham and I swear to Xenu that I’ll shove so many Thetans up that Lilly-white ass of yours you won’t know what hit you…and for the last time, I want you to call me “Maverick” when we’re doing it, and like we discussed in the prenup, I get to call you “Goose”, now smile and make nice for the cameras.”
During an interview with the expectant parents for Parade, reporter Dotson Rader writes, “Holmes . . . wore a large diamond engagement ring. She seemed dazed, passive and vacant. She never stopped smiling.”
Holmes continued smiling through the interview as Cruise described how his father beat him, and as Cruise was “hooting how beautiful she was, touching and kissing her like a teenage boy on his first backseat date, aware that he was being watched.”
I mean for christ’s sake, he won’t even let her wear maternity clothes. She looks like she’s sneaking out beach balls or something.
Katie Holmes Called ‘Stepford Wife’ [National Ledger]
—admin
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