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Micah Jordan is 16 years old and, aside from having a name that sounds a little too similar to Michael Jordan to be a coincidence, he knows a whole hell of a lot more words than we could ever hope to even hear our lifetimes. Obviously, this makes him better than us.

While knowing a lot of words won’t get him very far in this world, at least he can be a part of a competition for people who have large vocabs.

In December, he beat over 95 students at the local competition, which makes him the New York representative in the National Vocabulary Championship and, today, he is going to show the world that New York is really something special. He’s victory will put us on the map. (No pressure or anything, Micah, but we are really counting on this award).

Less importantly, if Micah wins he will receive $40,000 in college tuition.

We don’t think he realizes how incredibly important this competition is, which is obvious when one observes how la-de-da he is about the whole thing.

He underscored the significance when he said, “I like competition and I like words. This was [a] perfect meeting of the two.” This is way more significant than just being about words and competition. We are talking about the fate of an entire city.

Also, we see no evidence that he knows a lot of “big” words. How are we supposed to have faith in him when he doesn’t throw around second grade vocabulary words like, “equestrian” and “bequeath?” He could’ve said, for example, “my benevolent mother supports me,” which would’ve blown our minds.

We should probably ease up on Micah because all this pressure isn’t going to help him win.

Maybe we are so hard on this kid because we feel insecure about our own vocabularies and need to bring him down a few notches to make ourselves feel better. Why else would we do things if it weren’t to boost our self-esteem?

He’s got a spectacular aptness for vernacular [New York Daily News]

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