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In the latest attempt of has-been celebrity to stay relevant Chevy Chase has decided to release an authorized biography where he admits to having a batshit crazy mom.

“I lived in fear all the time - deathly fear,” Chase says in a new authorized biography, “I’m Chevy Chase . . . And You’re Not,” by Rena Fruchter, out next month from Virgin Books. It reveals that Chase’s concert-pianist mother, Cathalene, was a “very unhappy woman” who suffered from depression and panic attacks that could set her off at a moment’s notice. They had her locking young Chevy in a closet for hours at a time and waking him up in the middle of the night to slap him “continually and hard, across the face,” Chase tells the author. “I don’t remember what it was for, or what I had done.”

One of her other brutal punishments was to whip Chase over a period of days. “She would say to me, ‘Ten lashes on the backs of your legs every day for a week at 5 p.m.’ How can you hold on to that kind of anger against your kid?” Chase relates to Fruchter. “I knew I was a ‘bad boy,’ but I didn’t know that everybody wasn’t punished the same way I was.”

The Vicodins may have helped ease the pain for a while, just long enough to be funny in the first Vacation movie, but once that addiction dried up, so did all your funny.  And there’s nothing more depressing than an abused child who was once sort of funny and then just awkwardly and immensely unfunny.  Poor Chevy.

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