Metadish, Fresh from NYC

Let me just say that Sun and Jin are the most ridiculously unattractive people on the planet. Just ugly people. I mean honestly, have you ever seen two such wildly unattractive people? When they kiss its like two hairy asses rubbing against each other. Its amazing the other castaways keep them around what with all the vomiting they’re appearances must provoke. They are just that unattractive. Hideous people. Just God awful.

Where the hell is the sarcasm tag on this thing?

Another week, another strong episode. At this rate the putrid resin that coated my mouth upon seeing the Paulo and Nikki episode a few weeks back should be completely rinsed away by the time the season finale rolls around.

Storyline A Summary: We start off with Sun playing in her garden when Jack saunters up and starts hitting her up for info on the baby. Sun is weirded out a bit especially when Jack asks her if she’s experienced any bleeding. Sun responds by paying Jack $100,000 to keep his mouth shut.

Wait, I may be getting my storylines confused. Anyhoo…

Sun helps Kate fix her tent (probably damaged during a late night of marking Sawyer’s twain) and the two talk about what happened to Jack when he was with the others, whether they can trust Jack, if either one of them believes his stupid story about how he got his tatoos, etc. Kate spills the beans about Juliet being the fertility doctor for the others and Sun confronts Juliet about what happens to pregnant women on the island. Juliet tells her they die and everybody goes home happy.

Later Juliet sneaks into Sun’s tent for a midnight tryst, but instead they end up going to the medical center where Claire was held so Juliet can determine the date of conception (D.O.C.) for Sun’s baby. You see, if the baby was conceived before Sun landed on the island, both her and her baby will more than likely be okay. If the baby was conceived afterwards, then Sun is dead meat. Also, if the baby was conceived before landing on the island, that means Jin is not the father since he was infertile, but if it was conceived after she landed on the island Jin is the father because apparently the same force on the island that heals broken bones and brings the dead back to life (more on that later) also gives men super sperm-making powers.

They go to the decrepit medical station where Juliet pulls a magic lever to open up a doorway to the real medical center where Claire was held. Juliet does her test and determines that the baby was conceived well after Sun landed on the island. Sun naturally has mixed emotions. On the one hand, Jin is the father (not the hare krishna dude she was sleeping with). But on the other hand, she’s going to die. Sun then gives Juliet $100,000 to keep her quiet. OH GLORIOUS DAY!

Before they leave, Juliet says she needs to go back to clean up, but she actually goes back to leave a message for Ben on a tape recorder. She tells Ben that Sun is pregnant and that she’ll be getting samples from all the women, and Kate in particular, soon. DUN DUN DUN! Take that all those who thought she was there to spy on Desmond!

Oh, and she finishes by saying, “I hate you.”

Storyline B Summary: Meanwhile, Desmond and the B-Team are trying to figure out what to do with the parachutist who punctured a lung falling through the trees (and speaks Spanish). Desmond wants to run back to camp and get Jack, Charlie thinks they should just carry her back to camp, Hurley is freaking out over the idea that this woman may be part of a rescue effort and Jin is still wondering when they’re going to start camping. While Desmond is telling Charlie that they’ll be safe without him since no one knows where they are, Hurley accidentally sets off a flare gun telling pretty much everybody where they are, including Mikhail who surprisingly comes running out of the jungle.

Now, you may be thinking, “Isn’t Mikhail dead?” And that’s a perfectly valid thought, but let’s try to remember that the island does have magical healing powers and that nobody checked to make sure Mikhail was dead since that would have meant wandering out into the sonic fence. So its entirely possible he wasn’t dead and until we have conclusive proof that the island can bring the dead back to life I’m not going to buy into that particular theory.

Anyhoo, Mikhail runs. Jin runs faster. Mikhail and Jin fight. Jin wins. Charlie realizes this must be the guy who shot Sayid. It may seem a little weird that Charlie would instantly jump to this conclusion, but honestly, how may one-eyed Russians can there possibly be on this island? Its just nice to know that the castaways are actually talking to one another when they’re not on camera.

After a little coercing (flare gun to the chest) Mikhail tells them he can help the parachutist because of his army medical training. The parachutist mumbles something and Mikhail says she’s speaking Italian (yes, now she speaks Italian). Desmond agrees to let him go if he saves the parachutist. Mikhail fixes the parachutist who then says something in Portugese (yes, now she speaks Portugese) and Mikhail tells everyone she said “Thank you.”

Actual translation: “I’m not alone.”

DUN DUN DUN!

Mikhail leaves. Jin yells “Phone!” Jin chases after Mikhail. Jin fights Mikhail and gets the phone back. They then pay Mikhail $100,000 to leave and never come back. Charlie protests as he needs the money for blow.

Meanwhile the parachutist wakes up completely and is speaking English (finally!). Hurley tells her they are the survivors of Flight 815. She tells him the plane was found and all the passengers were dead. DUN DUN DUN!

Flashback Summary: Jin and Sun have just recently married. Sun sits down in a park after doing some shopping and is confronted by a woman who claims that not only is Jin’s father a fisherman and alive (knew that), his mother was a whore (assumed that). She wants $100,000 or she’ll spread the word, which could be extremely embarassing both to Jin and to Sun’s father. Sun does some investigating and finds Jin’s father who tells her that Jin’s mother was a whore and he’s not even sure that he is Jin’s father. He told Jin his mother was dead because he didn’t want him to know the truth… I assume the truth being that his mother was a whore.

Sun goes to her father for the money but won’t tell him what its for other than its to save someone she loves great shame. Daddy Sun figures it must be Jin she’s talking about and tells her that Jin will be the one who pays him back. Later Jin finds the money in Sun’s purse and she tells him that she borrowed it from her father for furniture and a nice honeymoon. Jin tells her to give it back. He doesn’t want her to be any more in debt to her father than she already is. This, of course, makes Sun feel like crap.

Sun gives the woman the money and reveals that she knows the woman is actually Momma Jin. Momma Jin says she gave birth to Jin but she is not his mother. Sun ends the conversation by saying, “My family is very powerful. My husband believes you are dead. Do not force me to make that a reality.”

I love that Sun keeps getting these bad ass lines. The last one being her line to Sawyer during the Nikki and Paulo crapfest about “digging another grave.” Juliet and Sun are now officially my favorite female Lost characters.

Sorry Kate, you made it through this episode without crying, but that’s only because you were in one scene. And even in that scene, I could still see you wanting to cry! Just keep up the gratuitous underwear scenes and all shall be forgiven.

Final Analysis: All-in-all a very solid episode from beginning to end (with three DUN DUN DUN moments you knew it would have to be at least above average). The flashback was a well thought out storyline and it connected into what Sun was going through on the island very well. Sun and Jin have a very interesting relationship. So much of it seems to be built on Jin and Sun trying to protect one another from knowing about things he/she did that might hurt or embarass the other one. If they were English their relationship would be the height of comedy.

The reveal of the medical station was a nice little mind fuck. Think about it, not only did Dharma build this station, they built it to look abandoned and therefore hide the actual station. Who exactly were they trying to fool? This makes me wonder how many of the other stations have secret doors and rooms and who or what might be behind them. And is that essentially what the smoke monster is as well? Just an elaborate mind fuck to cover up something else?

A friend of mine believes that the whole thing about Flight 815 being found and everyone is dead means there is a definite time disconnect between what’s going on on the island and the rest of the world. I disagree. My guess is that whoever is running things on the island (and possibly arranged for Flight 815 to crash on it in the first place) more than likely set up a fake crash scene so that no one would go looking for any survivors. Of course, I could be completely off what with absolutely no evidence at all to back my idea up, but it seems to me a much simpler and believable answer than time dilations, although I can’t totally dismiss that idea.

So, did Charlie die this week? Obviously not. We have three more weeks till the Charlie episode so just keep your shorts on.

Who was MIA? Locke, Ben, the others (excluding Mikhail), Sayid, Sawyer, Claire and the smokey cloud of death.

Sawyerism of the Week: (Sawyer was MIA so this week’s Sawyerism comes from Mikhail while being threatened by Desmond with a flare gun) “As your friend pointed out,I already died this week.”

What’s up next week? Next week we get to find out what Locke has been up to since leaving Otherville. The flashbacks are supposedly going to be used a little differently in that they will only be flashing back to what Locke has been doing the last few days, and we know his dad will be along cause he’s on the cast list. Should be good.

Who’s on deck:
3.20 Benjamin Linus
3.21 Charlie Pace
3.22-23 Jack Shephard

Score: 7 out of 10.

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