Metadish, Fresh from NYC

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Health Commissioner Dr. Thomas Frieden may take his subway themed condoms and go home if more people don’t start using them. “If we find launching this brand didn’t increase at all safe sex among the groups at highest risk, we may stop it entirely,” Frieden said yesterday.

Apparently giving away 3.7 million condoms in a month isn’t enough to satisfy the insatiable Dr. Frieden. The almost four million condoms given away in a month span from March 15 to April 15 was a sharp drop from the amount of condoms that were given out the first 30 days they were released after Valentine’s day.

“You call using 3.7 million condoms fucking?” an agitated Frieden said. “Me and a couple of bottles of black market Viagra can do that in two weeks. I’ll be damned if I stand here and hand out condoms so you assholes can stop randomly hooking up with people. Either stop fucking or say goodbye to your precious subway condoms.”

While it would be easy to lay the blame for this on New Yorkers and the clear high moral fiber, we think the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of one person.  Exposed.  Come on woman, we need you to start picking up our slack!

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