Metadish, Fresh from NYC

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Why have just one boring talking point when you can have 12. Giuliani issued what he calls his 12 commitments which are “a group of promises and things this campaign is going to be about, and my administration will be about”.

Since it’s often easy for a message to get lost in political mumbo jumbo, we’ve decided strip the message down to regular speak.

1. I will keep America on offense in the Terrorists’ War on Us. [More money of the military industrial complex, more fear mongering and playing on people’s cultural ignorance for the rest of us]

2. I will end illegal immigration, secure our borders, and identify every non-citizen in our nation. [I turned my head on illegal immigration as the Mayor of NYC, but now that it seems like a sweet ass talking point, sure what the hell, I’m for being against it again]

3. I will restore fiscal discipline and cut wasteful Washington spending. [Zero spending in Washington? That’s unpossible!]

4. I will cut taxes and reform the tax code. [for the rich]

5. I will impose accountability on Washington. [You didn’t impose accountability on NYC, why should we believe you would do it in Washington?]

6. I will lead America towards energy independence. [We’ll let Bloomberg do that since he’s not on any fat cat’s payroll. He pays himself]

7. I will give Americans more control over, and access to, healthcare with affordable and portable free-market solutions. [The opposite of socialized healthcare. Even more money for drug companies and doctors and less coverage for the working poor. Sounds great.]

8. I will increase adoptions, decrease abortions, and protect the quality of life for our children. [Seriously, the abortion issue? You’re already on record as being pro-choice. Let’s not pretend like you’re going to start talking would be teenage moms out of abortions just to try and get elected]

9. I will reform the legal system and appoint strict constructionist judges. [Does your reformation include not spending billions of dollars a year, that could go to education or healthcare, on locking up non-violent drug offenders because a vocal moral minority think they have to save the world for jesus with unjust drug laws?]

10. I will ensure that every community in America is prepared for terrorist attacks and natural disasters. [Elect me or die! More fear tactics]

11. I will provide access to a quality education to every child in America by giving real school choice to parents. [Rich people will be able to afford to send their kids to better schools while schools in low income poverty areas will continue to deteriorate. Don’t give parents a choice, just take a billion or so out of the trillion dollars spent on defense and give the kids in this country a chance by supporting and developing the best education system in the world.]

12. I will expand America’s involvement in the global economy and strengthen our reputation around the world. [You can ignore this one, it’s more for all his millionaire friends at multi-national conglomerates who need a repressed working class in some country or another to keep getting richer.]

Suck it Giuliani. Go peddle your 12 commitments to one of your ex-wives. I’m sure the country is dying to elect a divorced, pro-choice Catholic with a history of censorship and political bullying.

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