That’s it. American Idol needs to start a reality spin-off program NOW! For the select few Jennifer Hudson’s the show has produced, nearly twice as many dysfunctional teen train wrecks have come out of the program in an effort to prove that you can launch and crash your pop career in far more efficient fashion than Britney Spears. And these kids need their own reality show! After all, the American Idol reject is now officially its own D-list celebrity category, falling somewhere between porn star and unpaid washed-up porn star.

All you need is Frenchie Davis, Antonella Barba, Olivia Mojica and Corey Clark, an MTV-decorated apartment, throw Sanjaya in every few episodes for some laughs, add a pound of methamphetamines and hide Chinese throwing stars between the couch cushions and you have yourself a hit-TV program!

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TMZ suggested that this is why he’s always smiling. (Get it? They are saying that he is always stoned. Like mother, like son).  We would like to offer the suggestion that maybe, just maybe, his incessant grins are his way of covering up the pain of knowing that his mom once sold marijuana. Or maybe he is just kind of a vacant dude who doesn’t know what else to do other than smile. You decide.

Anyway, back to the pot.

TMZ reported:

The Momjaya was pinched by the Pierce County Sheriff’s Department in February 2005 in Pierce County, Wash. after they found 310 marijuana plants — and the Sis-jaya keeping watch with a bag of weed and “smoking devices” — in the Malakar family garage, as the National Enquirer first smoked out today.

But — buzzkill — Shyamali, who was arrested for possession, directed the cops to another green-growing facility nearby, where they arrested Blith and her husband, Charles Quist (Sanjaya’s stepdad). Quist’s mugshot, obtained by TMZ, bears a striking resemblance to Gary Sinise, a very blitzed Gary Sinise. (We’re told there’s a mugshot of Shyamali, but it can’t be made public because she was only 17 at the time of the bust.)

Why is TMZ calling everyone things like “Mom-jaya” or “Sis-jaya?” Wait…I get it…It’s because “San” kind of sounds like “son.” We don’t know, guys. Don’t get us wrong, we really like all the numerous, semi-veiled, pot-references (that’s pretty much our favorite thing). It just seems like the “clever” names are too much and distracts us from all the stoner jokes.

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You know we always love us some sweet, sweet drama and any scandal that we can add “gate” to the end of. Thanks to our friends over at BWE we, once again have that opportunity.

In case you missed it, last night on American Idol, Chris Richardson, one of the contestants from Virginia, sent out his condolences to everyone at Virginia Tech. The next shot immediately cut to Simon Cowell who was caught rolling his eyes after Richardson’s shout out.

Simon denies that he was responding to Richardson’s comment and says that he had been talking to Paula Abdul and the eye roll was in response to something she had said.

Watch the video and you be the judge.

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Apparently irritated and twitchy (out of Vicodin?) Paula Abdul tried to pull the diva act on a Southwest Airlines flight out of San Jose only to be snubbed by the flight attendants and the passengers.

“She pulled a major diva trip,” one “eyewitness” told Star magazine. “The other passengers were not amused.”

When the plane began boarding Paula demanded to be let on first, expecting first class treatment even though the flight did not have a first class section.  When she was told that only children, the elderly and special needs passengers could board first she replied, “but I’m famous!  I need to go on first!”

“You’re no Sanjaya! You have to board like everyone else.” That, according to the source, prompted a round of laughter from the others — except Abdul.

According the witnesses once boarding began Abdul pushed her way to the front and boarded first anyway.  Taking up a seat and trying to keep people from sitting next to her by telling them the seat was taken.  Finally an attendant had to tell Abdul that the flight was full and she would actually have to sit next to someone.

Paula Abdul forced to sit next to just someone?  You’re in our prayers girl.

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You’ve no one but the Devil’s lawyer to blame for this androgynous American Idol stowaway, who, despite being detested by the judges, somehow remains in the hunt for the show’s coveted prize as this year’s top 40 footnote. We stopped watching after the auditions (the only digestible part of the show), but it’s our understanding that we have Sanjina to thank for the “ponyhawk,” a hair-novation destined to tickle your underarm as you noogie hordes of copycat hipsters.

What do you think about that Tony Kornheiser?

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Click after the fold for NSFW caps.

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Olmos was, apparently, not that into it and is now suing Vasquez for sexual harassment.

He recounted what happened in his lawsuit:

In the lawsuit, Olmos claims “Vazquez stared lasciviously, smiled lasciviously … and on one occasion followed him into a bathroom … knocked on the door of the plaintiff’s stall and made eye contact through the space in the stall door.”

The lawsuit alleges that Vazquez “started to rub his genitals over his pants. Attempting to leave the bathroom, Olmos opened the door of the stall and saw Vazquez standing in front of him with his pants down masturbating.”

According to the documents, Vazquez pushed Olmos “further into the stall and continued masturbating with one hand and trying to pull down Olmos’ pants with another hand.”

Olmos claims that he tried to “cover his body with his hands” but Vazquez touched his “chest and stomach underneath his shirt, and Olmos’ “genitals” as Vazquez “attempted to unzip” Olmos’ pants.

Vazquez then allegedly asked Olmos “if he wanted oral sex.”

In the lawsuit, Olmos claims that as he “managed to get out of the stall, and attempted to leave the bathroom,” Vazquez, grabbed his arm “in an effort to stop him.” Vazquez continued to call Olmos to come back as Vazquez “stood in the bathroom with his pants still down.”

He probably just got confused and thought that was what singers were supposed to do because of the whole George Michael-in-the-movie-theater thing. The most major difference between the two men, however, is that George Michael had already sold a couple albums and he didn’t attack anyone with his penis.

Vasquez, you have so much to learn.

“A.I.” Contestant Accused of “Masturbating” in Suit [TMZ]

Lawsuit

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It’s easy to see someone on American Idol and say they suck, but that’s usually some form of purely subjective criticism. In her attempt to erase all doubt of her sucking, Antonella Barba let some dude snap some pictures while she was giving him a hummer.

Click after the fold for very NSFW pics.
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Tens of thousands of wanna-be “American Idol” stars are expected to line up at the Continental Airlines Arena in East Rutherford Monday for the chance to sing 30 seconds, tops, for a panel of judges prescreening contestants for the coming sixth season.

While many of the audtions have yet to take place, highly placed inside sources say that the odds on pre-season favorite is an extremely talented deaf chimpanzee named Toots. Get your dialing fingers ready America.

‘Idol’ worship only grows [Daily News]

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A former “American Idol” contestant accused of videotaping sexual encounters with two teenage girls has been indicted on child pornography charges.

Daniel James “DJ” Boyd, 27, pleaded not guilty Tuesday in U.S. District Court to charges of production of child pornography and possession of child pornography.

I guess Boyd went to the R. Kelly Institute for Singing.

Former ‘Idol’ contestant indicted on child porn charges [CNN]

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